Scoot's first day at the sitters was on her 10 week birthday. I get that I was able to stay home with her a lot longer than a lot of other moms get to stay home with their babies, but that doesn't change how I feel about it. I want to be the one taking care of her day in and day out. I want to stay home with her.
(All that being said, we are very lucky that we found a good babysitter with reasonable rates and a low child/provider ratio. I feel comfortable leaving her there every day. I just wish I didn't have to.)
Her first weeks were a little rocky. She's only a baby and she was staying with someone she didn't know. Carole didn't know what her sleepy signs were or how to hold her just so to get her to sleep. She had to take a bottle when she was use to breast feeding exclusively. They worked it out in short order and the fussy reports from Carole got fewer and farther between. The biggest thing was that Scoot started sleeping again during the day.
When I dropped Scoot off this morning, she looked at Carole and smiled. My head told me that I should be thrilled. Scoot likes going to the sitter. She's happy and comfortable.
My heart broke just a little. Those smiles that use to be just for me and daddy are now being shared. I thought about my parents and Aaron's parents. They are the grandparents, but they don't see Scoot as often as Carole. Carole knows Scoot better than they do. Carole gets the smiles and they don't. They're family.
It is a Monday and those are the hardest days to leave my sweet baby. I'm so glad I got to see that beautiful smile before I left for work. I just wish it had been directed at me.
It doesn't help that I have to wake up this sleeping beauty at an un-Godly hour in order to take her to the sitter and get to work on time. Here she is passed back out for her morning "nap" at 6:00am after getting up, diaper change, dressed, and nursing.