I thought I was losing my mind this morning. Seriously!
I was putting together my husband's lunch/breakfast this morning, but we were out of the bagels he takes to work for breakfast. (I'm a great wife and always have plenty of groceries on hand... just in case you were wondering!) So I decided that he would get the next best thing, a tube of Ritz crackers and a travel cup of peanut butter . Don't feel sorry for him, he could live on Ritz crackers. When I opened the box of crackers there were only 2 tubes left.
I had JUST opened the box yesterday to get crackers for myself for my tuna and crackers lunch. I distinctly remember sliding my fingers under the top flap and thinking that they must have used some strong glue. And we all know that boxes of Ritz crackers have FOUR tubes in them (at least you do if you use as many crackers as we do at my house). So why on earth are there only 2 left?
It was at this point that I went and woke up my sleeping husband to ask him if he ate a tube last night. Even though he was slightly disturbed that I was waking him up for such a petty problem, he assured me that he did not eat/take the crackers. Where is the missing tube?!
I finished getting ready and left for work, STILL wondering where the crackers could have gone. It was only when I got home this afternoon that I realized the crackers are a victim of the recent shift at the grocery store. The one where everything still costs the same, but you get less for your money. The box of Ritz crackers is now smaller and ONLY includes THREE tubes! Ahhh mystery solved. I'm not losing my mind, just my paycheck.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
what I didn't know I needed
Ever since we started trying to get pregnant we have kept it very quiet. I'm talking about almost no one knows. Our parents don't even know. Aaron's mom is a little pushy and has been asking us for grandchildren practically since we got married. My mom is "the mouth of the south" as Aaron lovingly refers to her and we wouldn't have a secret anymore.
We decided to keep it quiet because I hate being ask the same question over and over and then dealing with the pity "Oh I'm so sorry" that inevitably follows. Even when I was applying for jobs, I didn't tell many people because I didn't want to explain away the interviews that didn't go my way. The psychological side of me tells me that it all goes back to not wanting to fail, and even more importantly, not wanting anyone to know about it.
The only people that know we are trying are our best friends... yup the ones that just had a beautiful little princess. Dana's mom also knows, which doesn't bother me at all. She just asks Dana for updates and has never even hinted that she knows of our struggles. That's the way I like it!
Dana asks me roughly each month if there's anything new. I know what she's asking, but she isn't pushy. She waits for me to come to her if I have something more specific to talk about. The thing that gets me is that she is so dang optimistic. And Aaron is too, oddly about this BUT NOTHING else in his entire life! I'm usually the optimistic, brighter side, happy-go-lucky one in a sea of pessimism radiating out of Dana and Aaron, but not this time. Now its my turn to be on the side of doubt and confusion and negative. Sometimes I just want to yell, "It's not that easy for us, it's not going to happen, it's going to be a long time, this isn't the month for us!"
I guess that's the great thing about friends, they know what you need and how to give it to you, even if its not what you really want to hear at the moment. Her optimism was hard to hear today, but it re-lit a glimmer of hope deep in my soul that I needed more than I even knew!
We decided to keep it quiet because I hate being ask the same question over and over and then dealing with the pity "Oh I'm so sorry" that inevitably follows. Even when I was applying for jobs, I didn't tell many people because I didn't want to explain away the interviews that didn't go my way. The psychological side of me tells me that it all goes back to not wanting to fail, and even more importantly, not wanting anyone to know about it.
The only people that know we are trying are our best friends... yup the ones that just had a beautiful little princess. Dana's mom also knows, which doesn't bother me at all. She just asks Dana for updates and has never even hinted that she knows of our struggles. That's the way I like it!
Dana asks me roughly each month if there's anything new. I know what she's asking, but she isn't pushy. She waits for me to come to her if I have something more specific to talk about. The thing that gets me is that she is so dang optimistic. And Aaron is too, oddly about this BUT NOTHING else in his entire life! I'm usually the optimistic, brighter side, happy-go-lucky one in a sea of pessimism radiating out of Dana and Aaron, but not this time. Now its my turn to be on the side of doubt and confusion and negative. Sometimes I just want to yell, "It's not that easy for us, it's not going to happen, it's going to be a long time, this isn't the month for us!"
I guess that's the great thing about friends, they know what you need and how to give it to you, even if its not what you really want to hear at the moment. Her optimism was hard to hear today, but it re-lit a glimmer of hope deep in my soul that I needed more than I even knew!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
my plans were foiled
Last night I stayed up late to make some fantastic homemade potato soup to take to my friend's house tonight. Little baby B is almost 3 weeks old, and I figured it would be nice if I finally took them something.
In my defense, I did go over when she was just 6 days old and hold her for 4 hours so that they could rest. It sure was a tough job, but somebody had to do it! :)
Anyway, I figured that at this point everyone else who was going to bring food would have already done it and they've probably had to cook for themselves a little. So now would be a good time. They would be able to enjoy my hard work and delicious soup without all the other food to distract them. hehehe {Maybe I'm a bit too confidant about my potato soup!} While they ate dinner I was going to volunteer... again... to hold Little Miss and give them a break. Man are they lucky to have someone willing to take on that task ;)
Well this morning I woke up completely congested and unable to breath with a side of deep coughing and to top it all of the sneezes. Perfect. No way do I want to infect Little Miss so my husband is taking the food to them and I'll just have to imagine them ooohhhing and ahhhing over my soup. And by the time I finally get a hold of that cute little thing again, she probably won't be so little any more.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
so how old are you?
One of the little girls in my class has the same birth date as I do and it happened to fall on our 100th day of school, therefore our birthday celebration was pretty rockin. The kids ask me how old I was and off the top of my head I told them I was 12.
They all bought it... kindergartners are precious!
Well for the next several days, every once in a while one of them would again ask me how old I was. Of course I didn't want them to think I had lied to them, so I repeated that I was 12 every time they ask.
Someone even pointed out that if I was 12, I must have been 11 before. And that is so true. I WAS 11 before... it just happened to be 15 years ago!
Anyway, we are sitting at the reading table working diligently on learning some new sight words when a very inquisitive boy asks how old I am ... again! Again, I tell him I'm 12. He thinks for a minute and says "You can't be 12 because you've already graduated."
"That's true, I've graduated 3 times already."
"You mean like High School Musical 3?"
I look at him with confusion...
"You mean you graduated like High School Musical 1, High School Musical 2, and High School Musical 3? Three times?"
"Ummmm, yea sure buddy, now tell me how you spell like."
I guess I really ought to catch up on some elementary aged pop culture if I'm going to fit in as a 12 year old!
They all bought it... kindergartners are precious!
Well for the next several days, every once in a while one of them would again ask me how old I was. Of course I didn't want them to think I had lied to them, so I repeated that I was 12 every time they ask.
Someone even pointed out that if I was 12, I must have been 11 before. And that is so true. I WAS 11 before... it just happened to be 15 years ago!
Anyway, we are sitting at the reading table working diligently on learning some new sight words when a very inquisitive boy asks how old I am ... again! Again, I tell him I'm 12. He thinks for a minute and says "You can't be 12 because you've already graduated."
"That's true, I've graduated 3 times already."
"You mean like High School Musical 3?"
I look at him with confusion...
"You mean you graduated like High School Musical 1, High School Musical 2, and High School Musical 3? Three times?"
"Ummmm, yea sure buddy, now tell me how you spell like."
I guess I really ought to catch up on some elementary aged pop culture if I'm going to fit in as a 12 year old!
Friday, February 20, 2009
me and he
What are your middle names?
Lynn and James
How long have you been together?
Nearly 9 years, so lets go 8 1/2
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We grew up in the same town so we've known each other probably since we were quite young, but we started going to the same school in 7th grade and thats the first time I remember specifics.
Who asked whom out?
After high school we went to different colleges 4 hours apart. We had been nothing but friends up to this point, but we started e-mailing and IMing and started our long distance relationship.
How old are each of you?
26 and 25
Whose siblings do you see the most?
His sister lives 2 hours away and mine now lives 4 hours away. Before my sister moved I would definitely say mine, but now its pretty even.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
a budget!
Did you go to the same school?
When it came time to choose colleges I narrowed my choices down to two. One was a big school where lots of folks from my high school were going (including Aaron). The other was a small school where I was only going to know one person and she and I weren't close friends. I chose the small school thinking that I would get a brand new start with all new people and I'd be able to reinvent myself. Turns out that was all a load of bull. Reinventing yourself is hard and I was miserable not knowing anyone. After Aaron and I had been dating 2 years I transferred. It was the absolute best thing I've ever done. I often say I wish I had just gone there from the beginning, but everything happens for a reason. Aaron and I might not have started dating if we were at the same school, after all we had been in high school together for 4 years and never dated. So short answer - no and then yes.
Are you from the same home town?
Yes, small southeastern VA town.
Who is smarter?
I almost always make sure that Aaron knows I'm smarter overall (lol) but he really is smarter in math/history/computers/technology
Who is the most sensitive?
Has to be me. He would never say "I don't know why I'm upset, I just am!"
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Texas Roadhouse
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
From VA to Las Vegas
Who has the craziest exes?
No crazy in our past. Thank goodness!
Who has the worst temper?
I have a shorter fuse but its usually very short lived and not very hostile. Aaron's fuse is very long, but watch out when he gets to the end of it.
Who does the cooking?
Aaron can boil pasta and flip pancakes. I'd have an even bigger weight problem if I let him do all (any of) the cooking!
Who is the neat-freak?
He is more prone to calling for a "clean sweep" than I am, but neither one of us is all that concerned with being freakishly neat. So please please please call (and give us about an hour) before you come over!
Who is more stubborn?
We are both first-borns. I'd have to say that I slightly edge him out in this category though.
Who hogs the bed?
We have a pretty fair give and take, but I'm going to say him.
Who wakes up earlier?
Me, usually by at least an hour. On the weekend it could be much much longer.
Where was your first date?
High school football game - homecoming to be exact, and then a movie afterwards.
Who is more jealous?
We're not the jealous kind.
How long did it take to get serious?
2 years of long distance relationship status will kinda force you to take it slow. I'd say that was a good thing.
Who eats more?
It depends on what it is. He is a very picky eater so he won't even try a lot of stuff, but if it is something he likes he can really put it away.
Who does the laundry?
I sort, wash, dry, take to bedroom. He folds. We both put away our own stuff.
Who’s better with the computer?
Him, definitely.
Who drives when you are together?
Long trips we split, around town he does. Although, if I do say so myself, I'm a pretty awesome back seat driver. So good in fact that he is constantly offering to let me drive. He's so thoughtful like that! :)
Lynn and James
How long have you been together?
Nearly 9 years, so lets go 8 1/2
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We grew up in the same town so we've known each other probably since we were quite young, but we started going to the same school in 7th grade and thats the first time I remember specifics.
Who asked whom out?
After high school we went to different colleges 4 hours apart. We had been nothing but friends up to this point, but we started e-mailing and IMing and started our long distance relationship.
How old are each of you?
26 and 25
Whose siblings do you see the most?
His sister lives 2 hours away and mine now lives 4 hours away. Before my sister moved I would definitely say mine, but now its pretty even.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
a budget!
Did you go to the same school?
When it came time to choose colleges I narrowed my choices down to two. One was a big school where lots of folks from my high school were going (including Aaron). The other was a small school where I was only going to know one person and she and I weren't close friends. I chose the small school thinking that I would get a brand new start with all new people and I'd be able to reinvent myself. Turns out that was all a load of bull. Reinventing yourself is hard and I was miserable not knowing anyone. After Aaron and I had been dating 2 years I transferred. It was the absolute best thing I've ever done. I often say I wish I had just gone there from the beginning, but everything happens for a reason. Aaron and I might not have started dating if we were at the same school, after all we had been in high school together for 4 years and never dated. So short answer - no and then yes.
Are you from the same home town?
Yes, small southeastern VA town.
Who is smarter?
I almost always make sure that Aaron knows I'm smarter overall (lol) but he really is smarter in math/history/computers/technology
Who is the most sensitive?
Has to be me. He would never say "I don't know why I'm upset, I just am!"
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Texas Roadhouse
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
From VA to Las Vegas
Who has the craziest exes?
No crazy in our past. Thank goodness!
Who has the worst temper?
I have a shorter fuse but its usually very short lived and not very hostile. Aaron's fuse is very long, but watch out when he gets to the end of it.
Who does the cooking?
Aaron can boil pasta and flip pancakes. I'd have an even bigger weight problem if I let him do all (any of) the cooking!
Who is the neat-freak?
He is more prone to calling for a "clean sweep" than I am, but neither one of us is all that concerned with being freakishly neat. So please please please call (and give us about an hour) before you come over!
Who is more stubborn?
We are both first-borns. I'd have to say that I slightly edge him out in this category though.
Who hogs the bed?
We have a pretty fair give and take, but I'm going to say him.
Who wakes up earlier?
Me, usually by at least an hour. On the weekend it could be much much longer.
Where was your first date?
High school football game - homecoming to be exact, and then a movie afterwards.
Who is more jealous?
We're not the jealous kind.
How long did it take to get serious?
2 years of long distance relationship status will kinda force you to take it slow. I'd say that was a good thing.
Who eats more?
It depends on what it is. He is a very picky eater so he won't even try a lot of stuff, but if it is something he likes he can really put it away.
Who does the laundry?
I sort, wash, dry, take to bedroom. He folds. We both put away our own stuff.
Who’s better with the computer?
Him, definitely.
Who drives when you are together?
Long trips we split, around town he does. Although, if I do say so myself, I'm a pretty awesome back seat driver. So good in fact that he is constantly offering to let me drive. He's so thoughtful like that! :)
4 days and counting
For the past 4 days I have gotten up at 5 am. WHAT? I am not an early riser on purpose.. well I kind of like the quiet of the early morning and watching the sun rise, and having extra time to get stuff done, BUT I really really really like sleep!
So why have I gotten up a full 2 and a half hours before I need to be at work?
I've been doing yoga.
Yea, you heard me right, I've been getting up that early to exercise. CRAZY if you ask me, but it is important to me to get healthy so I'm doing it. I'm getting up at 5 am, doing some yoga and I feel surprisingly refreshed. Maybe that's why I've done if for 4 days in a row.
I'm going to do yoga again tomorrow when I wake up, but it won't be at 5 am on a Saturday!
Monday, February 16, 2009
fear of failure
I grew up in a home where I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be. A teacher? Sure, go for it, you'd be great! A doctor? Of course, you love science you'll have no problem! A meteorologist? Find a school, apply, and we'll see you on the 6 o'clock news! A marine biologist? Well you'll have to live far away, but we'll come visit all the time! It is fabulous to be supported and encouraged in whatever you want to be. It's a great feeling to know the people you love believe in you. It was all so easy for me to believe too because as far as school goes, I had it easy.
I had good grades in high school. However I hardly ever cracked a book or spent more than 10 minutes on my homework. Thankfully academics came incredibly easy for me.
Having it so easy was a disservice to me in the long run. My parents (and I do too now that I've grown up) valued education and since I didn't have to work for it but was still so successful I expected everything I wanted in life to be that easy. IT'S NOT! But my parents kept me sheltered well into high school so I was kind of slow to figure it out.
My first real taste of lasting disappointment came when I was a sophomore and I wanted to be on the volleyball team - it was the place to be. I went to the tryouts with 4 of my best friends. We were excited about traveling to all the away games together and making friends with the cool (and intimidating!) upperclassman. 3 of them made it and 2 of us did not. Instead of playing volleyball, A and I became statisticians. We still traveled with the team, but instead of making friends with the upperclassman we carried their water bottles and gym bags. If possible we got lower on the totem pole. The next season A and I tried out again. This time she made the team, but I still didn't. I wasn't about to put myself through another season of being embarrassed on a daily basis. I walked away from volleyball and never went back (even though I still love to bump the ball around in the back yard).
Life wasn't so easy after that.
One of the colleges I applied to (that I really wanted to go to since my best friend was) rejected me because I wasn't well-rounded enough. Dang volleyball!
Prom was a total disaster.
My first college roommate was a loon, not the new best friend I would be thankful for years later.
I didn't get into grad school.
I tried diet after diet but never lost weight.
You get the picture.
You get the picture.
Disappointment and failure started to really scare me. I found an escape though. As long as I didn't give 100% of myself (or even 80% for that matter) to my goals I had an excuse for failure. I could always blame the failure on not doing my best. I could always rationalize the failure by knowing that if I had given it my all I would have done better. That does take the sting off. It also made me lazy. I've been lazy in everything from friendships, housekeeping, and my job to accomplishing goals like getting healthy.
The time has come to stop being lazy! First up, I'm putting myself first. It's time to get healthy and I'm not going to put up with excuses from myself this time. To keep myself honest I've posted my "before" picture in this post. This is me, as I am today. Later this week I'm getting a hair cut. I'll post "after" pictures. Not as obvious, but even more importantly, I'm making myself healthier. You'll have to wait longer for those "after" pictures, but this time, this time they are coming!
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