my plans were foiled

Last night I stayed up late to make some fantastic homemade potato soup to take to my friend's house tonight.  Little baby B is almost 3 weeks old, and I figured it would be nice if I finally took them something. 

In my defense, I did go over when she was just 6 days old and hold her for 4 hours so that they could rest.  It sure was a tough job, but somebody had to do it! :)

Anyway, I figured that at this point everyone else who was going to bring food would have already done it and they've probably had to cook for themselves a little.  So now would be a good time. They would be able to enjoy my hard work and delicious soup without all the other food to distract them.  hehehe {Maybe I'm a bit too confidant about my potato soup!}  While they ate dinner I was going to volunteer... again... to hold Little Miss and give them a break. Man are they lucky to have someone willing to take on that task ;)

Well this morning I woke up completely congested and unable to breath with a side of deep coughing and to top it all of the sneezes.  Perfect.  No way do I want to infect Little Miss so my husband is taking the food to them and I'll just have to imagine them ooohhhing and ahhhing over my soup.  And by the time I finally get a hold of that cute little thing again, she probably won't be so little any more.  

so how old are you?

One of the little girls in my class has the same birth date as I do and it happened to fall on our 100th day of school, therefore our birthday celebration was pretty rockin. The kids ask me how old I was and off the top of my head I told them I was 12.

They all bought it... kindergartners are precious!

Well for the next several days, every once in a while one of them would again ask me how old I was. Of course I didn't want them to think I had lied to them, so I repeated that I was 12 every time they ask.

Someone even pointed out that if I was 12, I must have been 11 before. And that is so true. I WAS 11 before... it just happened to be 15 years ago!

Anyway, we are sitting at the reading table working diligently on learning some new sight words when a very inquisitive boy asks how old I am ... again! Again, I tell him I'm 12. He thinks for a minute and says "You can't be 12 because you've already graduated."

"That's true, I've graduated 3 times already."

"You mean like High School Musical 3?"

I look at him with confusion...

"You mean you graduated like High School Musical 1, High School Musical 2, and High School Musical 3? Three times?"

"Ummmm, yea sure buddy, now tell me how you spell like."

I guess I really ought to catch up on some elementary aged pop culture if I'm going to fit in as a 12 year old!

me and he

What are your middle names?
Lynn and James

How long have you been together?
Nearly 9 years, so lets go 8 1/2

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We grew up in the same town so we've known each other probably since we were quite young, but we started going to the same school in 7th grade and thats the first time I remember specifics.

Who asked whom out?
After high school we went to different colleges 4 hours apart. We had been nothing but friends up to this point, but we started e-mailing and IMing and started our long distance relationship.

How old are each of you?
26 and 25

Whose siblings do you see the most?
His sister lives 2 hours away and mine now lives 4 hours away. Before my sister moved I would definitely say mine, but now its pretty even.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
a budget!

Did you go to the same school?
When it came time to choose colleges I narrowed my choices down to two. One was a big school where lots of folks from my high school were going (including Aaron). The other was a small school where I was only going to know one person and she and I weren't close friends. I chose the small school thinking that I would get a brand new start with all new people and I'd be able to reinvent myself. Turns out that was all a load of bull. Reinventing yourself is hard and I was miserable not knowing anyone. After Aaron and I had been dating 2 years I transferred. It was the absolute best thing I've ever done. I often say I wish I had just gone there from the beginning, but everything happens for a reason. Aaron and I might not have started dating if we were at the same school, after all we had been in high school together for 4 years and never dated. So short answer - no and then yes.

Are you from the same home town?
Yes, small southeastern VA town.

Who is smarter?
I almost always make sure that Aaron knows I'm smarter overall (lol) but he really is smarter in math/history/computers/technology

Who is the most sensitive?
Has to be me. He would never say "I don't know why I'm upset, I just am!"

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Texas Roadhouse

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
From VA to Las Vegas

Who has the craziest exes?
No crazy in our past. Thank goodness!


Who has the worst temper?
I have a shorter fuse but its usually very short lived and not very hostile. Aaron's fuse is very long, but watch out when he gets to the end of it.

Who does the cooking?
Aaron can boil pasta and flip pancakes. I'd have an even bigger weight problem if I let him do all (any of) the cooking!

Who is the neat-freak?
He is more prone to calling for a "clean sweep" than I am, but neither one of us is all that concerned with being freakishly neat. So please please please call (and give us about an hour) before you come over!

Who is more stubborn?
We are both first-borns. I'd have to say that I slightly edge him out in this category though.

Who hogs the bed?

We have a pretty fair give and take, but I'm going to say him.

Who wakes up earlier?
Me, usually by at least an hour. On the weekend it could be much much longer.

Where was your first date?

High school football game - homecoming to be exact, and then a movie afterwards.

Who is more jealous?
We're not the jealous kind.

How long did it take to get serious?

2 years of long distance relationship status will kinda force you to take it slow. I'd say that was a good thing.

Who eats more?

It depends on what it is. He is a very picky eater so he won't even try a lot of stuff, but if it is something he likes he can really put it away.

Who does the laundry?
I sort, wash, dry, take to bedroom. He folds. We both put away our own stuff.

Who’s better with the computer?

Him, definitely.

Who drives when you are together?
Long trips we split, around town he does. Although, if I do say so myself, I'm a pretty awesome back seat driver. So good in fact that he is constantly offering to let me drive. He's so thoughtful like that! :)

4 days and counting

For the past 4 days I have gotten up at 5 am.  WHAT?  I am not an early riser on purpose.. well I kind of like the quiet of the early morning and watching the sun rise, and having extra time to get stuff done, BUT I really really really like sleep!

So why have I gotten up a full 2 and a half hours before I need to be at work?

I've been doing yoga. 

Yea, you heard me right, I've been getting up that early to exercise.  CRAZY if you ask me, but it is important to me to get healthy so I'm doing it.  I'm getting up at 5 am, doing some yoga and I feel surprisingly refreshed.  Maybe that's why I've done if for 4 days in a row.  

I'm going to do yoga again tomorrow when I wake up, but it won't be at 5 am on a Saturday!

fear of failure

I grew up in a home where I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be. A teacher? Sure, go for it, you'd be great! A doctor? Of course, you love science you'll have no problem! A meteorologist? Find a school, apply, and we'll see you on the 6 o'clock news! A marine biologist? Well you'll have to live far away, but we'll come visit all the time! It is fabulous to be supported and encouraged in whatever you want to be. It's a great feeling to know the people you love believe in you. It was all so easy for me to believe too because as far as school goes, I had it easy.

I had good grades in high school. However I hardly ever cracked a book or spent more than 10 minutes on my homework. Thankfully academics came incredibly easy for me.

Having it so easy was a disservice to me in the long run. My parents (and I do too now that I've grown up) valued education and since I didn't have to work for it but was still so successful I expected everything I wanted in life to be that easy. IT'S NOT! But my parents kept me sheltered well into high school so I was kind of slow to figure it out.

My first real taste of lasting disappointment came when I was a sophomore and I wanted to be on the volleyball team - it was the place to be. I went to the tryouts with 4 of my best friends. We were excited about traveling to all the away games together and making friends with the cool (and intimidating!) upperclassman. 3 of them made it and 2 of us did not. Instead of playing volleyball, A and I became statisticians. We still traveled with the team, but instead of making friends with the upperclassman we carried their water bottles and gym bags. If possible we got lower on the totem pole. The next season A and I tried out again. This time she made the team, but I still didn't. I wasn't about to put myself through another season of being embarrassed on a daily basis. I walked away from volleyball and never went back (even though I still love to bump the ball around in the back yard).

Life wasn't so easy after that.

One of the colleges I applied to (that I really wanted to go to since my best friend was) rejected me because I wasn't well-rounded enough. Dang volleyball!

Prom was a total disaster.

My first college roommate was a loon, not the new best friend I would be thankful for years later.

I didn't get into grad school.

I tried diet after diet but never lost weight.
You get the picture.

Disappointment and failure started to really scare me. I found an escape though. As long as I didn't give 100% of myself (or even 80% for that matter) to my goals I had an excuse for failure. I could always blame the failure on not doing my best. I could always rationalize the failure by knowing that if I had given it my all I would have done better. That does take the sting off. It also made me lazy. I've been lazy in everything from friendships, housekeeping, and my job to accomplishing goals like getting healthy.

The time has come to stop being lazy! First up, I'm putting myself first. It's time to get healthy and I'm not going to put up with excuses from myself this time. To keep myself honest I've posted my "before" picture in this post. This is me, as I am today. Later this week I'm getting a hair cut. I'll post "after" pictures. Not as obvious, but even more importantly, I'm making myself healthier. You'll have to wait longer for those "after" pictures, but this time, this time they are coming!

MIA

I have been a lazy blogger and there is really no excuse for it. Especially since I've only been at it for a month!

A post worth reading is coming up really soon!

happy birthday

26 years ago today a couple of 30 year olds who had been trying to start a family for 10 years became the proud parents of a baby girl.  They also provided both sets of their parents with their very first grandchild.  The conditions were right for a royal spoiling!

Not Me Monday

Every Monday MckMama and a ton of her friends share the hilarious things they most certainly did not do over the past week. Head over to MckMama's blog and get a good dose of therapy.

Last week I did not promise myself that I was going to get healthier by eating better and working out while I was looking at workout videos in Target only to buy cookies before leaving.

I did not take a "before" picture of myself and then chicken out before posting it. I need the accountability and want to get it any way I can... even if that means posting unflatering pictures.

I did not admit to several people at church that one of my goals had been accomplished. What was that goal that I wouldn't want to admit you ask? Well I became a judge. A judge of the infamous youth chili cook off! I love chili and look forward to the chili cook off that the youth sponsor each year to raise money for their mission trip. We started the yearly event when I was in the youth group and it has grown into a major deal. I was certainly not very honored to be a judge!

I did not jump out of my seat and have my heart beat faster than a race horse every time my phone sounded with a call or text because I was waiting to hear that my best friend's baby was finally here. I also did not tell my own mother that she was not allowed to call me on my cell phone until I had heard from the happy family. Poor mom was only calling to check in and see if baby Brooklyn had arrived. Being on the waiting end was hard for me. I can only imagine how Dana managed to wait allllll day for the baby. I'm not so sure I'll be any good at that part when it's my turn.

I also did not casually glance (ok stare) out my front window at my neighbors who also had a baby girl this weekend. Luckily I have better manners than that and baked them some muffins to take over there today. By the way, what ever happened to the tradition of a stork? I am kinda nosey about some things, but one of my favorite things to learn about people is their name and what it means, how their parents chose it, how it fits with other family names, do they have nick-names, and if they like their name. When I saw our neighbors come home with their baby girl I immediately wanted to know what her name is. I wasn't about to run over there and interupt their precious family time. Since they don't have a stork I'll just have to wait until I take muffins over to them later to find out her name. But goodness knows I'm not a patient person, just ask my husband!

I did not go to the grocery store without a list, without coupons, and without my reusable bags simply because I didn't want to go grocery shopping in the first place and was rebelling against domestic duties. I am more responsible than that! I make a menu for all our dinners for the week and a list of what I need so that I don't waste a ton of money on impulse purchases (like frozen mozzarella sticks). I also always check my coupon envelope to make sure I save every penny that I can. And since our grocery store gives you $.05 cents back for every reusable bag you use, I would never leave all 6 of my bags right in the backseat of the car. Come on! That would be ridiculous!

hold me accountable

The biggest loser is one of my favorite shows. It is inspiring. I know it is not real life. The contestants at the ranch are not juggling their jobs, children, spouses, community commitments, household chores and all of the things that make up real life. But for someone who needs to lose large amounts of weight, seeing it happen is kind of like magic. Even if the contestants I'm watching are not doing the same things I would need to do. They have only one purpose on the ranch and that is to lose weight. Every once in a while someone will deal with an emotional issue and then they will go right back to talking about exercise and eating. I know those are crucial to losing weight and any good doctor will tell you its the only way: eat less, move more. But for me, I need to know more about myself, I need to dive into my own heart and head to figure out why I did this to myself in the first place.



Being inspired by the biggest loser is a very fine line for me to walk. I love seeing that these people are changing their lives. They make me believe I can do it to, at lease for 2 hours every Tuesday night. On the other hand I can not let myself get discouraged when the results I see are no where close to the big numbers they pull week after week. I am at home, without a personal trainer and team full of support. I have a full time job, a house to clean, a husband to make dinner for and chat with, errands to run, commitments to keep and a gym membership that I must pay to use. Realistically my numbers should be much less than the contestants - and they are!



I honestly can't remember a time when I was a normal size. I've been larger than my friends and peers for my entire life. I know nothing different. So for me, its going to take more than someone telling me to eat less and move more. I'm going to have to figure out a way to motivate myself and overcome the reasons that have kept me from doing that up until this point. Part of my problem is that I'm just lazy. Plain and simple. What can I do to motivate myself out of being lazy? I can't answer that question yet. If I could this post would be completely different. I would be sharing a success story, my latest goal accomplished, my time in the last race I ran.



I have gotten to the point in my life though that I am getting desperate to answer some of these questions. I want to have children. It is one of the deepest desires of my heart, but I would never want to jeopardize the health of my children the way I have my own. I want to feel comfortable being me. That's not all about my weight, there are plenty of other things to work out there, but the weight does contribute. I want to be proud of myself for accomplishing something so amazing as losing 80 pounds. I want to not have to think about weight every time I get dressed, walk by a mirror, see a stranger smirk as they walk by, go shopping, ride a roller coaster, cook, meet new people... the list could go on and on and on.



Please know that I understand that I can't fix everything just by losing weight. I know I will still have to tackle self confidence and body confidence. I am putting this little "secret" out into the world to help me stay accountable. Once again I'm setting out to change my life by reexamining my eating and exercising habits. I'm not going to go on a diet, I'm going to change my habits and routines. It's going to be hard, dirty, emotional, exhilarating, and maybe... just maybe I can be inspiring to someone.

50 Questions

Jodie posted a bunch of questions over on her blog, a mom and her camera, and I thought it might be fun to answer them just to put myself out there a little... and because since she ask in question #50 about getting honest answers from people, I'm being completely honest here - take it or leave it!



I'm not a parent, but I do spend 7 hours a day with 21 five year olds. I agree that its not the same as being up all night with my own kids, but this is where I am now.



1. Do you ever have to restrain yourself from hurting your two year old when they have disobeyed for the five millionth time and you just need a break? yes, I'm dealing with a whole classroom full of kids testing the limits daily. The kids at my school are mostly from homes where they dont get much attention so they crave all my attention at all times at school. More than anything I want to give it to them, but there isn't enough of me to go around in the time we have together. That is actually one of the things that makes my job so hard. But short answer - yes - i want to shake several of them more than once a day!



2. Do you forget to eat lunch, eat a rushed dinner (while you feed the baby and the kids and the husband) and then snack all night just adding to your post-baby weight but don't have the energy to care? stress does horrible things to my eating habits! I've gotten completely outta whack since school started in September.



3. Are you able to look at yourself, your whole-self, naked in front of a mirror? i am able to do it but it hurts like hell!



4. Do you like what you see? I totally get loving yourself for who you are, but NO!



5. Is money tight for you right now? not as tight as it was before September, but we needed me to get a job to keep from falling off the cliff, now we are getting by. Hopefully the RIF (reduction in force) in my school system will spare us.



6. Does coupon clipping confuse anyone else? I've been trying to eat healthy and save money... nearly impossible... oddly enough my husband loves to get the newspaper and cut out all the coupons. Awesome for me! However, all the health food I'm trying to eat, you know around the perimeter of the store, does not come with coupons. I also don't understand why you have to buy 10 cans of soup to get $.30 off!



7. What time are your kids in bed and actually asleep? I'm worried about having kids because I love sleep so much!!



8. How many times do you have to go in their rooms before they finally fall asleep? I'm glad that my 21 kiddos go home to their own families at night. Well... I'd take a couple of them.



9. Do you let your babies cry it out? I was a nanny for a 4 year old and 9 month old. The parents went to a seminar for a week and I kept the kids (have I mentioned I loved being a nanny!?) while they were gone. The 9 month old was a champion sleeper during the day but I had no idea what I was in for during the night. The parents had left instructions for her to cry it out. It was hard for me, but we made it.



10. How? my answer is not helpful, not to you and certainly not to my future self. I knew I only had to deal with it for a week which made it easier to deal with. I turned on her white noise machine, closed her door, and sat at the top of the stairs until she fell asleep. One night it took almost 2 hours and I know she just missed her mom and dad. I felt like a complete witch!



11. Do you have enough time in your day? how many ways can I say NO. Between a full time job (that requires I bring home a lot of work), housework, trying to work out, and being exhausted by 9pm I can't imagine adding a baby to the mix, but I want to so badly!



12. Have your friendships suffered more each time you have another kid? I can tell you that my friendships have suffered when my friends have had babies.



13. How do you balance work and kids? I can't imagine being able to. I want to be a stay at home mom when we are blessed with kids, but I'm not sure we can survive on one paycheck. We did it for a while when I was finishing up school, but that was only the 2 of us and it was a struggle then.



14. Does your husband help you? if I beg and plead he'll fold clothes or vacuum



15. What does caffeine do to breast fed babies? I haven't the foggiest notion



16. How mad do you get when your show is a repeat? irrationally angry. the writers strike nearly made me throw my TV away... but then I remembered how much I love it!



17. How many random shows do you DVR to watch in the middle of the night while you're nursing? the true prof that I live in the stone age... we don't have DVR... or (gasp) cable!



18. Do you shower everyday? during the week, yes. the weekends it's usually only if we are going out somewhere or i feel like being nice to my husband! hahaha



19. How clean is your house? I've got 3 large dogs... there's dog hair everywhere! We've also got an old house that gets dusty if you so much as take a deep breath and I hate dusting.



20. Do you favor one kid? again, going back to my 21 kiddos at school... yes. I know its not right, but I have a soft spot for a couple of them.


21. Do you worry about your kid's development? I'm responsible for the development of the kiddos in my class so it worries me every day.



22. Do you have savings? we couldn't even cover 1 months mortgage, much less the 6 months worth of expenses the experts suggest. This really bothers me and we're working on it slow and steady.



23. Do you feel fulfilled? no. I can't wait to hear someone call my mommy. I'm trying to live in the moment though, so I'm trying to remind myself that I'm gonna miss these days when they're gone.



24. How is your best friend? ready to pop... she's due in 2 days with her first.


25. Have you talked to her lately? yes, 2 hours ago and we hung out 2 times last week.



26. Are blog friends starting to outnumber your RIL (real in life) friends? I'm pretty new to having my own blog so even though I follow a couple (ok ... a bunch) of folks, they don't know my yet.



27. Is every piece of furniture in your home a hand-me-down/thrift store/garage sale find? 99% of it came from a garage sale or my grandparents' hand-me-downs. We finally broke down and bought a new couch as our Christmas present to each other.



28. Was J. Crew the norm in high school/college and now you feel bad spending $8 on a Target t-shirt for yourself? my best friend in high school was much more well off than my family and in my effort to keep up with her I spent way way way more money than I should have, but it was fun while it lasted.



29. How many emails do you write a day? probably about 3 on average, sometimes its more and some days I dont send any. I'm a big texter, not much into the phone and only email when I've got a lot to say.



30. Are you overweight? yes



31. How far from your ideal weight are you? are we talking about today, or last week? It changes that quickly! about 85 pounds though.



32. Are you still IN love with your husband? YES!



33. How are you maintaining your marriage? we've been married 3 years and we still have date night every week... its much easier since we dont have kids yet. we also have our own time... he has his guy time to do stuff that I dont understand and I hang out with the girls or get in my crafty time.



34. Do you let your kids sleep with you? we let one of our great danes (well sometimes two) sleep with us after 5 am on the weekends. I would love for her to sleep with us more but the two of us plus a 125 lb. dog in a full size bed is T.I.G.H.T!

35. How long did you breast feed? There is really no way I can relate this to anything in my life right now, so ....

36. Are your family photos organized? ummm... I'm a little ashamed to say, not so much. Organization is a skill I lack in all areas of my life though, not just this one.

37. Have you ever run out of diapers and had to improvise? once, when I was out with the two little ones I was a nanny for. The 9 month old had a blow out and I reached in the diaper bag but the only thing in there was a pull up for her 4 yr. old brother. So technically we didn't run out, but it ended up working out ok... we went straight home and got little miss in a proper diaper.

38. Are your mini blinds clean? heck no!

39. Your ceiling fans? ditto to above

40. How clean is your car? I've got some random junk in the back, but it is clean just cluttered.

41. Do you think you have "enough" sex? sometimes I think we have too much, sometimes not enough... so i guess it all averages out to "enough"

42. How many times a month do you feed your kids McDonalds? my little charges from long ago use to get some kind of treat McDonalds or Chic-Fil-A or Sonics about once every other week or so.

43. Do you write thank you cards? I wish I did this more, for the small stuff, but I do it for big events like our wedding.

44. Do you live in sweats? I am not a sweats person, they are comfortable but I think they make me look fat so I'm a jeans person. I love a good pair of jeans. At work, we're not allowed to wear jeans except on Fridays and only if we pay $2. This policy just started 2 weeks ago to help pay for some upcoming baby and retirement showers.

45. Do you doubt yourself? constantly... especially where it pertains to other people. I doubt that I'm being a good teacher, a good wife, a good sister, a good friend...

46. Do you wonder about your family's future? definitely! I wonder if we will be able to have children on our own or if we will need medical intervention... I wonder if even that will work. I wonder how long we will live in this tiny house. I am a thinker and this is the kind of stuff I wonder about all the time.

47. Do you pray for your kids? I pray for the kids in my class every single morning and often several times during the day.

48. Are you totally honest with anyone? probably not even myself. No big secrets from my husband or anything just might not mention that I bought some craft supplies at Wal-Mart along with the groceries and that is why the bill is so high. Or that I spent my last $4 on a smoothie and that's why I am asking him for a couple dollars.

49. Do you want more kids? I want some kids! And I want more kids than my husband does!

50. Do you ever wish you could ask someone anything and get an honest answer? yes! I'd ask lots of people lots of things, but I also know that in order to get honest answers you have to be willing to answer questions honestly yourself, and sometimes that is painful for me.

turning off the news

It's time to stop watching the weather segment on the local news. All those meteorologists do is get my hopes up. (That snow hope index makes me want to scream sometimes... how can it be a 7/10 one day and be back to 2/10 later that night. I think someone is trying to get me worked up!) Here in good 'ol VA we don't get a ton of snow, but we can usually count on one good ice/snow storm ever (other) year. Well it's been 5 long years without us getting more than an inch. I haven't seen more than an inch of snow in 5 years! Ok, ok... I grew up here and its not really a big deal, but I want a good 'ol snow day once in a while! I want to wake up to see the snow covered ground and my school's name crawling across the bottom of the screen, hop back in bed only to wake up later to have oatmeal and read a good book still snuggling in a big blanket. Is that really too much to ask!?

Not Me Monday

It makes me feel better to clear up any misconceptions and let you all know exactly what has NOT been happening at my house this week.  MckMama over at My Charming Kids is not letting her secrets out of the bag either, so hop on over and check out what she has not been doing (along with a bunch more folks)!

I did not let my dirty dishes pile up in the sink.  And even if I did that, I would not have gotten to the point that I just couldn't look at them anymore and start washing them only to get tired of washing dishes again and leave all the silverware still laying in the bottom of the sink.  And I most certainly did not make a deal with my husband later to get him to finish washing the silverware.  Silverware can't be that much of a pain to wash!

Hubby and I did not go into Krispy Kreme to redeem our two "free doughnut" cupons and then end up buying a dozen anyway.  No chance that we did that!  There's also no way that we both also ate 3 when we got home!  We have more willpower against the hot sign!

Of course I planned ahead for my mom's birthday and got her a present WAY in advance.  I did not scurry around only hours before her birthday dinner racking my brain trying to think of something that would make her smile.  And the present I got her most certainly did not come from a hunting/fishing store!

During the super bowl I did not eat so much and talk so much that I missed the opening kickoff and some of the good commercials.  It is terrible when you only catch the punch line of a funny commercial because its not as funny as if you'd seen the whole thing.

I did not run into the grocery store late Sunday night just to get something for lunch the next day since our cabinets were bare.  While I was not in the grocery store I did not only think about what I would eat for lunch and completely forget that my husband needed bread for his sandwich!  So he did not go to work this morning with a tube of Ritz crackers and some peanutbutter for lunch.  Not at my house, I'm a better wife than that!